As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
