He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
