What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
She bit a glass in half.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
