my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
