Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
she smelled like a LAN party
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
