who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Michael Bay diarrhea
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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