I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
