gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Randomize
