Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
