Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
