I feel great
I just peed on a car
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
