Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
