we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
