i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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