I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
