You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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