Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
You're breaking my sexual little heart
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
