Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
