The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
