So drunk its hurt
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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