yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I think your dad took our porno
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
