I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
