he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Welp...herpes.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
