What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
