I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
