The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
