well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
