You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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