I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
