i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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