....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
