i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
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