Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
