Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
