it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
a search helicopter?!
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
