Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
