Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
