So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
