I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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