Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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