what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
