It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
