We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
