Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
