I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
