Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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