your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Randomize
