I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
it hurts more in the daytime
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
