I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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