I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
