drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
