She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
